"If you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life."
Well it wouldn't take much for me. Let me create. That's all I ask.
Making money for fat cat's isn't my cup of tea, unless they're letting me make my ideas. Then they can get as fat as they want.
My jobs have all been working for some big wig's profit. At one fast food job I even knew the owners, although in a impersonal 'hi, how are ya!' kinda way. They were cool people, nice to employee's as long as the employee's were being nice to them. The owner was actually a graduate in biology. I asked his wife why he didn't stay in biology, and I think she told me; "it was a lot of work, and not much money."
I have a job now that has bumped me into the middle class. It's nice having money for things. Never having to worry if I can pick up that gallon of milk, or buying gas for my car. I can get my kid cloths from a store, instead of goodwill. Although I still LOVE goodwill.
The goodwill up here has really nice stuff! I don't think I'll ever be able to pay 60$ for a piece of clothing. It seems so wasteful. Maybe for my son, or for someone else.....
But anyways, even making more money.... I don't think the trade is worth it. When I made less, I was home more. Yeah I stressed over money more, but I got to be here.
Home is my grounding zone, my recharge station, and when I'm away too much I start disintegrating little by little. So even if I did have my dream job, unless it recharged me, and grounded me, I would be just as drained and disappointed.
So my new thing has been to tell my son, "I want you to grow up and get a job you love. Even if it means making no money, or moving far away, or anything like that, I want you to have something you can get joy from." Cause really, here in America we spend most our lives in 'jobs' just to spend our last few years (if we're lucky) getting to do fun stuff with our money.
First world problems, as my brother would say. Really, we complain, but it's better then braking our backs in sweat shops, or labor farms, or dangerous factorys, just to die young with nothing.
Our problems, aren't real 'problems' compared to some other places in this world.
So, it feels bad to complain about making more money. About not being happy with the step up in life. But in some ways, making more money isn't better. Once I go back on 12 hour shifts, once again I will end up turning into a heartless bitch, and as hard as I try I won't be able to give the love and time to my family and (my best friend, my lover, my boyfriend), which just doesn't seem like a good trade off for the money.
Yes, the hours will go back down, my loved ones will understand and forgive me, but it still feels like I'm giving up a piece of myself, a piece of them, for a paycheck. Is it worth it?
Time to explore other things. Even if I can't find a way to do it, I have to try. Otherwise, the first world problems win.
Hey, at least I'll still be a leg up in the zombie apocalypse. All these sane money grubbers won't be able to deal. Mwaaaa ha ha. Double Tap!!!
gotta run.
No comments:
Post a Comment