Sunday, February 21, 2010

more art

I have a lot of paintings all over, these are just the ones in my possession. Had I known that I would one day create a blog, I might have documented more of them.

my Art

This is my Art, two are being auctioned at an Irish festival fund raiser.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Da Beautiful People

I just got done watching 'Surrogates', and it gave me that weird squishy feeling inside... Like someone that helped make that movie knew something about the world none of the rest of us do. Would it be so weird to find out that nobody is real?

Even before this movie I would get that feeling and the marylin Manson song, 'the beautiful people' would play in my head as I looked around at all the unrealistically pretty people that walked around me. I have to get my kid into bed, he's seriously feening for some keyboard and I need to get him in bed away from the tip tip tapping temptation. More on the unreal people later. Maybe I'll decide this post sounds a little insane and delete it. Eh, him in bed first.

Ahh!!! Nekid Baby!!!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

BPD love

Here's another shot at explaining some more Borderline Personality stuff (for lack of a better word).

I just got off the phone with my boyfriend (who I've already broken up with twice for logical good reasons). Logical good reasons in Borderline relationships are actually hard to come by, so it's worth note.
Although I've come far in the field of close personal relationships, lovey dovey romantic bullshit still creeeeeps me out. I can't even watch non-comedic romances, cause I just want to spit at the screen and yell 'LIAR!'. So for those out there suffering the effects of those like me in their lives, or those afflicted with the strong desire to run from anything that looks like it could invade the heart, here's my unsolicited, uneducated, and certainly less then professional advice.

When the man or woman of your life is afraid of commitment, or afraid of the 'L' word, or if they just plain rollercoaster like a confused meteorite about their feelings, you have to make some decisions. Are you along for the ride, or are you gonna jump ship as soon as it looks like a crash? Is this person worth finishing the ride with? Even if you don't know how long the ride will last, or how much it might make your heart bungy between your guts and your throat?
We don't do this because we want to folks. It is a most painful experience to ride on the extremes of love and hate for so long. It is not a choice, but it is a learned response to anything that can devastate us. If the sky falls down every time you look up, pretty soon you either stop looking up, or you start putting a barrier up so that it can't fall when you look. Now I'm not saying that in logical reasonable circumstances a person shouldn't break a relationship off before it gets to ugly, but I am saying that sometimes we avoid that which is good for us just because the risk of getting hurt overrides our ability to accept that which can make us truly happy.
I have destroyed plenty enough relationships to know, and I have had a couple people who actually rode the whole way with me and never let go of me until the ride was over. They are the most treasured in my life, because they will never pull the sky down on me, and I know this because they put themselves in the way of my shrapnel many times.
Only a BPD can heal themselves, and it can be a lonely and terrifying experience, but if you can make it off the deck with some seats still filled, if you can stick by your BPD the whole way, there is a treasure waiting. A person who always rides the extremes of emotion, has a lot to give to a world who has washed away what it really means to be 'in love' with another person.

Eh, it makes sense in my head.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

This is me and my friend Tamar building a giant canvas. The plan is to paint something for a friend, and the crooked frame was just something I always wanted to do. The wooden construction was done by the guys, then me and Tam did the stretching, gluing, bolting and stapling of the actual frame and canvas. I can't say what I'm painting, but I'd say sacrilegious fits, (the guy I'm painting it for doesn't want to know until he sees it finished).

I had a big ol' paragraph about my beliefs about false idols, but I decided it sounded a little extremist, so instead I only have this to say about 'desecrating' so called 'holy' art: That which is truly holy, can not be made, created, or dirtied by human kind. It can be forgotten, it can be lost, and it can even be found.
Then again, it all depends on what you believe, and I believe that when Michelangelo was painting the Sistine chapel, he had a young lover who's finger was smaller then his.