Wednesday, June 22, 2011

bedtime

I don't have much time tonight, just wanted to share a few thoughts.

I was looking in these mail order catalogs today wondering if the people that buy stuff from them ... well if they know how lucky they are that they can pick stuff out of a book that they want and just buy it.

There is a co-worker that puts stars by the things she wants, and I always wonder if she buys the stuff.  Then I wonder what it's like to live with two incomes, and to be able to do stuff like that.   Not that I'm jealous per say, just I wonder if it fills the need?   When I look at catalogs, or even magazines, I think, sure if I ever pay off these debts, I might be able to do something cool like that... redecorate a whole room with indie style wallpaper and clashing bright colors.... Build my wall of drawers.... buy a car.... buy nice new cloths and not just the ones on a walmart sales rack.... but if I could, would it make things better?   Would having those things make me feel richer?  Or maybe just look richer....  I can't deny a debt free life would be awsome because I wouldn't have to worry about bills and could save money so my son wouldn't have to incur things like college loans or credit card debts to sustain himself in college, but since I'm not winning the lotto anytime soon and money has to go toward what it has to go toward.. you know food, shelter, heat, electricity car insurance, monkey treats for the monkey... monkey cloths for the monkey who won't stop growing,  vetrinary bills for my monkey...  I guess making what I have, outshine this materialistic world is the best lesson I could buy my son.

But still.... I just wonder what it feels like to need new pants, and to go to a really nice store and buy the perfect fit.   I wonder what it's like to need your car fixed and take it to a shop to get it fixed... I wonder what it is like to have extra money and not have to feel guilty about spending it on something fun rather then something necessary...I wonder what it's like for people that just fix thier kitchen, or put new floors in, what's it like to walk into a store, pick something you like and just buy it, no guilt, no trepedation, no fear that your doing something bad. I wonder what its like to have more.   Some day.  But for now, I'm good and if I didn't want more, I wouldn't work so hard to pay the debts.  

All well.  Time for bed.  Work work work...  at least I get to say I save the world for a living.