Wednesday, April 11, 2018


Why it's so hard to ask doctors for help: 

Currently trying to find out what the hell is wrong with me.
The only things the doctors can find is high hematocrit, rbc cound, and hemoglobin.

The thing is, with the medical field being ruled by the insurance companies, they have to jump through loops to get tests to find out what is wrong.

So, if by chance my heart is failing... they won't know until tests are approved and run.
If by chance there is some cancer hiding in my body,  until the insurance approves it, they can not seek it.

An EKG does a tiny, less then 5 second read of your heart... The major test qualities are based on 'Mens' hearts.  Men's hearts have much larger viens and arterys then womans.

I had an abnormal EKG, went to a no-name Urgent care and just paid for them to do it.
When I tell the PCP my heart is 'hiccupping', they put in for me to have 'routine' heart monitor... So in two more months I may get answers.  Routine means the end of a waiting list. Thanks.

About EKG's:

What is normal for a man, may not be normal for a woman.  Or veins and arteries are smaller in our heart. Our symptoms are different for heart complications, EKG's may not detect things in us.
The mayoclinic link above explains a lot about the things woman should look for.
The stanfordhealthcare link explains a lot about why woman's hearts test differently.

What is detectable in a mans heart, may not be detectable in a woman's.  And because there is a large bias in the medical field to dismiss woman as 'over-reacting', or having 'anxiety', woman are overlooked way too often when they go in for heart related issues.
(I was ecstatic that my hematologist was a female. Not because I don't trust male doctors, but female doctors are much more likely to take your concerns seriously.)

About pain and 'nervousness':

I've had a child. I went through 9 hours of labor before I asked for an epideral.  I was having overlapping contractions because of the labor inducing drugs.  Which for those who've experienced labor will know,  My contractions did not have a break.....  they were almost continuous and insane.

So when I say my pain or discomfort is a 2.....  That is not comparable to a man who says his is a 2.
I know what a 10 feels like.  Puking from so much pain, and not knowing if i could survive to bring my son into the world.

So when I tell the E.R. docotor that I seriously feel like something is wrong and I need help...   and they label me , 'anxiety disorder'.... Fuck you.

I know what life, and death feels like.   I am still alive. Hurray.... until whatever this is, that they refuse to find, kills me.

Woman are not 'feeling' less pain...  they just can quantify it better.  We struggle through it for those we love.  It is not only hereditary, it is evolutionary.  We suffer to make sure the ones we love survive.  We have to learn to be ok with pain, with working through it, with not letting it stop us.
Think of having cramps for 2-5 days a month or more, because a major organ in your body is getting ready to shed a layer of itself.  I rarely get them, but I know when a woman tells me about having bad cramps her whole life, I feel empathy and sympathy.  I am glad I don't have that issue, but I know a majority of woman do.

So for the majority of these woman's lives, they suffer for a week a month, and still feel sympathy and empathy for someone when they need a hang-nail removed.

Next time a woman tells you, "this really hurts!" Assume she knows how to quantify her pain properly.

It's not Universal, everyone is different:

None of this is true for everyone.  Every human being is different, and has a different thresh-hold for pain, and tolerance to illness.  Just an opinion I've formed trying to  find out why I am so easily dismissed in the medical field.

I could go in with a broken leg, and as soon as they seen 'bipolar' on my chart they would treat me different then someone without that label.  I go in as a woman, they think I'm exaggerating or being anxious. 

Well duh, do you know how much nerve it took me to come in to the hospital to ask for help? Of course I'm nervous.  Of course I don't know what's exactly wrong. I'm  not a doctor. 

When I went in to get checked for a blood clot, they did not find one deep vein.  I explained to the P.A. that I feel as sick as I did when I had anemia when my son was born. 
His reply was, well your  not anemic, your blood counts are high. 
*grrrrr*  I know that!  I'm saying that's how bad it feels. Like my body isn't getting what it needs to function, and it's making me crazy weak.

The blood clot wasn't deep vein.  It was on the outer right side of my calf.  The primary care physician I was assigned found it rate away, and gave me meds to take care of it.   It is gone now, and there is a little spider vein cluster where it was.  So thanks for nothing hospital, another reason it's so hard for me to go into a hospital and try and get help when something is wrong.

Keep fighting:

I figured out how to drive a Kabota with one foot, because I broke a toe, and could not afford to lose hours at work.  That pretty much sums up what I'm like. If I can fight through it, I will. Buddy tape that shit and keep moving.  I wasn't always this way.  Bringing my son into the world, completely changed how much and how hard I will fight.

I can't buddy tape whatever is broken in me right now.  I need doctors to find it so I can get back into the world.

We survive, we thrive, we keep fighting.  And until whatever this is takes me out....  regardless of what the doctor's are willing to do for me... I will do whatever I can to show my family love, acceptance, and a future worth fighting for.

That's my story.  I hope to add some good news to it soon.  Hematologist was able to get me in soon for an echo of my heart, and an ultrasound of my guts.  (liver, kidneys, spleen).  So as much as I want them to say, 'we found nothing',  I also can't stand the thought of them not finding what the hell this is.  It all started December 15 2017 when I woke up with what I thought was a cold, and my right lower leg was hurting for no good reason....